Only in New York

I was reading this article on the Onion, which was basically a satirization of what would happen if there was a mass exodus from NYC, and the reasons why people would leave. While the whole article is pretty much hilarious and true and sums up about half the things I simultaneously detests and adore about this city, I want to talk about this quote:

"In addition, 3 million New Yorkers reportedly left the city because they realized the phrase "Only in New York" is actually just a defense mechanism used to convince themselves that seeing a naked man take a shit on a park bench is somehow endearing, or part of some shared cultural experience."

I know there are crazy people everywhere. I know that when you have millions of millions of millions shoved into 305 square miles (number from wikipedia, who knows if it is accurate) you're going to find more crazy people than you would in the country. I knew when I moved here there would be all kinds of different people, some of who would not be so stable. Still, I can't help but be surprised almost every single time I encounter a less than normal person. And I'm not just talking about the people with genuine issues or drug problems. The crazy guy on the corner screaming about the end of the world or asking for change are not nearly as alarming as some of the more "normal" crazy people. After 14 months, I'm also still shocked by the aggressive, angry, jaded people that seem to multiply like rabbits in this city.

Examples of crazy people in the last month:

1. I decided to mail my Dad some black and white cookies for his birthday. It took me forever to find the cookies because my favorite place never seemed to have any. I finally get a couple and head to the post office, only to realize I needed a sandwich baggie to put the cookies in. On the way to the post office, we stop at Rite Aid, somewhere we never go. I rush through the rather sparse kind of gross store, find my sandwich baggies and go to stand on the line. Now, there are only about 5 people in the entire Rite Aid, two of whom just got up to the only two open registers. One lady had a cart full of cat food. I mean full to the brim with stacks of canned cat food. I think she bought all the cat food in the entire store, but she had some coupons, so maybe she was getting a good deal. The other lady had a case of beer. I thought I was being super smart getting behind the lady with just the beer. Wrong.

It took this woman more than 5 minutes to check out. Why? Because she wasn't just buying beer. She had already bought the case of beer sitting on the counter last week. Today, she realized the same case of beer was on sale. She wanted to get her beer for the price of the beer on sale. Yes. This lady brought in a case of beer she had sitting in her house for a week, wanting to get money back, because beer was on sale THIS week. She said they were trying to rob her by putting the beer on sale after she bought it. It was bizarre. On the bright  side, cat lady food still took longer than crazy beer lady, so I did sort of make the right decision.

2. It was about 9:15ish in the morning on a random week day at work. I was helping a customer, as was the other employee working at the time. A young woman came and stood right between our customers, which is weird because there is a clearly marked line. I look up and this woman says she wants to talk to someone, so I told her someone would be with her in a minute. After my customer leaves this girl, who has mascara running down her face, hair that hasn't see a brush in quite awhile, and looks like she hasn't slept in days walks up to the window and says, "I want to speak to someone between the hour and the half hour." I was already a little lost, so I told her if she wanted to speak to someone she could speak to the service officer at the front desk. She says, "I want to speak to someone educated between the hour and the half hour." I repeat the service officer thing. That didn't work.

She starts telling me that she has been here for 2 hours (but the bank had only been open 15 minutes at this point) and that she wanted to talk to someone right away because she was on the bus and a man exposed himself to her and she shouldn't have to look at mans private parts on the bus. All this was said rather loudly in one breath with some kind of Irish sounding accent. I said I wasn't sure what she was talking about and she said, "I'll tell you what I'm talking about, I'm talking about a man showing me his private parts on the bus." There was a little more conversation that made no sense to me before the service officer and the manager came up and got her. After some confusing conversation and hearing the private parts story a few more times, we find out this woman had seen a police officer walk out of the bank and assumed she was in the precinct. I guess the big signs, the ATMS (which she spent a good 10 minutes just standing by blocking customers from getting in the door), or the lack of police officers didn't really register. Anyway, she ended up having to be escorted out of the bank and given directions to the real police precinct. A few minutes later she stumbled back into the bank, lost. I don't know if she made it to the police station, but I have to wonder if she actually saw a man's private parts on the bus. There was seriously something strange going on.

The customer after her was so worked up she wanted an escort to her car and she didn't want to do her transaction at the teller window. Instead she wanted to do it in an office. I don't know how she thought she was going to get money from behind a computer desk. This followed by a man who was screaming in the lobby about his flood insurance going up, which was somehow the banks fault, while is baby cried in its carrier.

Unfortunately, these things aren't unusual at all; they aren't even the worst examples, just the most recent. I mean, these aren't even the crazy homeless poop on benches guys. I thought customer service in the South was rough, but boy was I in for a surprise up here. There are times when you just have to sigh and say, "Only in New York." Sometimes, it really is the only way to get through the day.